where there’s sh*t, there’s Beauty

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Don’t think she’s going to stand still for you to take her picture. It’s Beauty!

Around here, when I say where there’s sh*t, there’s Beauty, I’m talking both literally and figuratively.  See, like it or not, manure is one of our most misunderstood, mismanaged resources.

Strangely, because of habit, ignorance or just plain squeamishness, rather than use what what’s freely available,  we prefer to spend money purchasing something more “polite” to use in its stead.

It’s as if the free stuff didn’t even exist. Worse, our squeamishness turns manure into a pesky nuisance in the expense and overwhelming landfills category. We pay to have manure removed, then add a second expense: synthetic fertilizers that come in tidy bags. Something we know nothing about the provenience of. Things more toxic than sh*t.

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Pretty glamorous I tell you. Give or take rainy weather, I’m good for at least one manure-related change of clothes a day… good thing you don’t have smell-o-screen…

Our oblivion to the value of manure is even more head-scratching when you consider our love of de-animalized house pets, furry children if you must.  “Pet parents” completely jam up the works by turning dog & cat poop, something that would naturally decompose and return nutrients to the soil, into non-biodegradable waste wrapped in plastic bags. We can do better.

Did you know that synthetic fertilizers are commonly re-purposed industrial waste? Manufacturers are only required to list the nutrients, not the source, so the other ingredients are a mystery potentially containing heavy metals or antibiotics.

soiled bedding

A regular chore around here is shoveling soiled bedding out and putting fresh bedding in. Believe it or not, it only smells bad when you fail to add enough dry bedding. A well-managed farm smells surprisingly earthy and pleasant.

Anyway enough of that, let’s talk about Beauty.  Beauty has no hang-ups when it comes to poop. She has no hang-ups when it comes to anything, really. She’s a pig! Being a pig means never being self-conscious or phony again.

The girls are a happy, funny piggy bunch each with her own personality, likes and dislikes. They’re each beautiful (not kidding) in their own way, but especially pretty is Beauty which is how she got her name.

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See? Beauty looks JUST LIKE Ginger from Gilligan’s Island. You see it, right?

Like Ginger in Gilligan’s Island (you can see it, right?), Beauty is Hollywood glamour complete with a smoky kohl-rimmed eye and beauty mark.  Except unlike Ginger in Gilligan’s Island, Beauty loves nothing more than rolling in dirt, soiled bedding and mud. The wetter & stinkier the better.

But how can you be exasperated with her when Beauty’s so blissfully happy with herself?  Beauty or no, she’s not going allow your disapproval to limit her horizons.

Like I said, she’s a pig!  Pigs are exasperating. Pigs are funny. They can flop down for a nap in the middle of just about anything. And hang onto your feet because pigs have some moves.

You will not enter their quarters with dinner, pitchfork, broom, rake or shovel without a tussle. Few things make pigs more excited than humans working in their space and/or finding out what’s at the bottom of a heap of anything.

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Beauty doing her thing. Stand back – she’s going to throw herself down with gusto & do some serious wriggling around. Even the other pigs stand back & giggle…

And I mean anything. The more fermented & rotted the better. Which truly is a beautiful thing since that’s exactly what it takes to restore the soil. These girls are ready, willing and eager to do their part in helping build well nourished, water conserving, rich ground to grow nutritious & wholesome food.

Isn’t it great when what’s best is cheapest and makes everyone the happiest and healthiest?  All it takes is an open mind and a little elbow grease.